Alright, I'm fueled up. For those of you just joining, I just wrote part one of my Becoming More Confident - Alcohol post. It's a bit of a private little hell that I have, but I think that it might just help people understand how having a low self-esteem can lead down a few bad roads. These bad roads usually are discovered when the affected person understands that something is wrong with them because of the way that they cannot control the world around them and are looking for some way to change it. This is actually the first glimpse of what living like a confident person is to them.
In my case - I did well in school, excelled in art, and was a sober kid. But, I was a social misfit, and that was ultimately my undoing. I say "undoing", but in reality, I guess I was never anything in the first place in terms of a human being. The world pressed and molded me and I could do nothing about it. People told me what to do or laughed me off tables or street corners. I never had the self-confidence to stand up for myself and fight back. Most likely, I wouldn't have had to fight back but once or twice. Then, I would have had the confidence to know that if I was messed with, I would fight, and that kind of confidence can be seen by outsiders.
Now back to my Alcohol and Self-Confidence post.
After getting in trouble with the stealing, I was afforded a chance to get my life straight and joined the military. I won't go into much about that now, but it was an important part of my life, and probably would have been more important if I had the right tools to make something good out of it.
But I didn't. Soon after I joined, I discovered the joys of alcohol.
Now look - I never wanted to make some kind of AA blog where I spill all my guts to everyone and talk about how alcohol ruined my life. The fact is - through all the B/S I went through, I've always maintained that alcohol was never my problem - I was. I still maintain that to this day. The issue was, however, what was the problem with me? This will all come together shortly as I spin my yarn, so bare with me.
Alcohol and Balls
So I drank a few beers, big deal. We drank a little, we laughed, we threw up, we passed out. That's what beer does to you, right? Your body is automatically adverse to you putting alcohol in it, and I'll find some good places to link to in the future, but for now, let's just say that your body don't like it. This isn't going to stop someone who has low self-esteem or low self-confidence.
Matter of fact, when I would drink the stuff, all of a sudden it seemed like I could talk to the most beautiful girls in the world, and not have a effin' nervous breakdown! I could tell a girl, "Hey, gimme a drink of that!" in front of 10 WWF-hardened bouncers. I got numbers, I was happy, I had a great time. So much so, that I had to have something in my hand to drink whenever I was around females. Orange Juice? No. Screwdriver? Yes.
As such, I began to see what I thought it must be like to be a confident person. Even though I wasn't really like that. A lot of the numbers I got from girls would never be used. A lot of conversations forgotten, and a lot of names confused. But it was a blast. The alcohol had finally given me what I had missed for years.
There were a couple of fights before I got my first real wake-up call. A few of us, laughing, roughhousing, and I'm tackling the biggest person I see. Never remembered it. But I did feel it the next day - I was hit in the jaw and left in the stairwell. No big deal. Boys fight sometimes. But why did I do that? I never remembered charging anyone. It didn't seem like that was something I would do. With all of that self-confidence, would I just charge on anyone? Is there any way I could expect to win while that intoxicated?
Time passed, maybe another small altercation. Nothing too bad. Maybe a small scratch on the eye or something. No memory of it, either. The problem started becoming - I was in the clubs with a lot of guys that were all talking to girls, and it was overwhelming. Many drinks were consumed to talk to these females, and block out the aggressive male population. By the time it was over, I was usually passed out somewhere. If I was lucky - I'd go home with a number and a clear recollection of the night. On my not-so-drunk nights, I would have drank enough to get the ol' confidence level up, and do something wild - call a girl a slut or talk shit to someone because I had a whole group of friends backing me. All of this adding up to "who I was" in mine and others' minds.
I went into a club one night after pretty much drinking a bottle of rum, and woke up in jail with handcuffs on. I came to mid-shit-talk to a police officer, telling him to let me out of the cuffs so I could give him a what-for. Mouth felt funny. I rubbed my tongue across my teeth, and came to a pretty big gap when I got to the front right and the one to the right of that one. Pretty much my front two teeth were cracked in half, showing roots. Nice swollen head, to boot. Or to fist, I'm not sure which.
I never got the details of that night. I was told that I was held down and beaten by police. I was told that I slapped some girl across the dance floor. I was told that another acquaintance of mine got the best of me. Chances are I'll never know, and that was many years ago - I don't care to know.
You would think, after a few grand in dental work, that I would be done with my craziness. You were wrong.
I kept it up for a long time, and I lost a few friends because of it. Even the friends that actually stuck with me were pushed away, and my circle still remained small. Without self-confidence to support me, I turned to a substance that made me violent, and the most likely cause of violence was my lack of self-confidence.
Although there were a few fights I started and won, I never won a black-out fight. I never took any kind of training for fighting, and yet, when I was most vulnerable, I would find fights.
I believe that my self-esteem being so low is the reason that I fought. I think that I would see so many "attractive" and "successful" people that I would file away in my mind, and wonder what it was that they had that I didn't. I would begin to hate them for their natural self-confidence, and try to destroy them once I made the switch to Mr. Hyde. What I should have been doing in the first place is emulating their behavior and trying to be great myself.
This was a road that I had to take to understand my concept of self, and what I needed to do to correct it.
I don't know if I'll have a Becoming More Confident - Alcohol Pt. III, but it might happen.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Becoming More Confident - Alcohol
Becoming More Confident
Thre is an aspect of having a low level of self-confidence that is very dark and can become a serious problem. Most likely it will become a serious problem very rapidly. Usage of drugs and alcohol are often used when a person feels underconfident (is that a word?), and even though the reasons vary from person to person, usually they have tragic results. For the moment, I will talk about alcohol because that is what I am most familiar with, but I will cover drugs later on, because I do have a little background info on that subject, albeit not as much. It has taken many terrible experiences and realization of my own lack of confidence that I have sat and pondered this subject.
I grew up mostly a quiet, introverted artistic type. Perhaps if my levels were higher (when I say "levels" - confidence levels) I could have gone on to do something great with my skills, but my introversion and lack of social grace kept me from showing my art off and entering competitions. I wasn't badly beat up on in school, but I probably would have been, if I hadn't developed a few defense mechanisms. The biggest of those mechanisms was another artform that I practiced frequently - not being heard or seen. I had a lot of "nerdy" acquantances (many of whom I do not keep in contact with, and plenty of whom are doing much better than I), and a few close friends, but by-and-large I was unnoticed.
I can't really place my lack of self confidence to any specific event. I think it was mostly a lack of social grace and father figure, even though he was around. I never knew what to say when people "called me out" or any of those wonderful childhood experiences, so I shut myself in.
I found out waaaay later that this would have serious repercussions. Here's a note you should give to yourself: "Don't let your child be introverted." And here is a very basic, very truncated list of reasons why:
1 - Being introverted keeps your production level very low
2 - Lack of self confidence means lack of control over most situations.
3 - Lack of self confidence hinders ability to pursue a mate.
4 - Introversion means smaller social groups, lowering networking and possible avenues for success.
5 - Less social interaction means less of an ability to deal with day-to-day experiences.
6 - Introversion can lead to a feeling of "what is wrong with me?" and subsequently lead to self-medication.
7 - Introversion often drops the affected out of natural competition with fellow human beings.
...and many more
You can see how a few of these examples can lead to other examples. For example - if I had had some confidence, I would probably had a lot more art that I was willing to show to more people, and maybe someone would have had a connection to a gallery. Weak example, I'm sure, but you could apply it to almost anything. More confidence, and maybe I would have been able to talk to Sheryl or Heather without the air of "I am not worthy" suffocating us both.
The one I'm concerned with in this post is #6. Lack of confidence leading to self-medication. I am guilty of this one.
After years of being introverted and soft-spoken, I finally started wondering what the hell was wrong with me, and it lead to a lot of different things. All of them bad.
Downward Spiral
I started realizing that I couldn't get the girls I wanted! Everyone (Mom, teachers, friends) told me that I was brilliant, just to be myself, and all the other good stuff you hear people say to people who are drowning in their own disgust of self. So I did all that - being myself. Being a corny jokester, abstract thinker, artistic weirdo. Not that I'm saying that anything is wrong with all of that. It's perfectly acceptable. What I am saying is, though, is that I was a misfit and didn't want to be. I went to a few little parties here and there and talked to some girls - even got a little lucky with a few - but none of them were my idea of who I was supposed to be with (sorry, girls). Now, this post isn't about how to get more girls, or whatever - there's plenty of those kinds of books and blogs around - but I'm trying to relay that there was a lack of self-confidence in myself that I felt was not becoming to my character. Actually, when it came to girls, I established a little niche for myself, and I had a few attractive girlfriends, but it further pushed me out of the bigger picture. Looking back, though, I'm glad that's what happened, as it changed who I was. Anyway - back to the problem.
I started noticing the girls that I thought were the greatest, and who they were going out with. Most of the guys they went out with had a little money, which was something I had not. Self-confidence and money often go hand-in-hand, if you haven't noticed. A person who has self-confidence knows they're going to get some money, and a person with money usually has the confidence that they have the money (unless they're just born into it - but once they get control of that money, and actually see how that money affects them...). More digression.
Here was my first tactic to get better females into my circle. Start stealing! Yep, that's right. I stole car stereos, amps, speakers - whatever I could find. Pool sticks, CD wallets, et cetera, et cetera. I was making a little money, and I was doing it my own way. Problem was, of course, I got caught pretty quickly, and I was sent away before ever really doing anything big with it. Probably a good thing.
That does it for this post. I need a little time to get something to eat and drink. I'll continue later with Becoming More Confident - Alcohol Pt.II a little later.
Thre is an aspect of having a low level of self-confidence that is very dark and can become a serious problem. Most likely it will become a serious problem very rapidly. Usage of drugs and alcohol are often used when a person feels underconfident (is that a word?), and even though the reasons vary from person to person, usually they have tragic results. For the moment, I will talk about alcohol because that is what I am most familiar with, but I will cover drugs later on, because I do have a little background info on that subject, albeit not as much. It has taken many terrible experiences and realization of my own lack of confidence that I have sat and pondered this subject.
I grew up mostly a quiet, introverted artistic type. Perhaps if my levels were higher (when I say "levels" - confidence levels) I could have gone on to do something great with my skills, but my introversion and lack of social grace kept me from showing my art off and entering competitions. I wasn't badly beat up on in school, but I probably would have been, if I hadn't developed a few defense mechanisms. The biggest of those mechanisms was another artform that I practiced frequently - not being heard or seen. I had a lot of "nerdy" acquantances (many of whom I do not keep in contact with, and plenty of whom are doing much better than I), and a few close friends, but by-and-large I was unnoticed.
I can't really place my lack of self confidence to any specific event. I think it was mostly a lack of social grace and father figure, even though he was around. I never knew what to say when people "called me out" or any of those wonderful childhood experiences, so I shut myself in.
I found out waaaay later that this would have serious repercussions. Here's a note you should give to yourself: "Don't let your child be introverted." And here is a very basic, very truncated list of reasons why:
1 - Being introverted keeps your production level very low
2 - Lack of self confidence means lack of control over most situations.
3 - Lack of self confidence hinders ability to pursue a mate.
4 - Introversion means smaller social groups, lowering networking and possible avenues for success.
5 - Less social interaction means less of an ability to deal with day-to-day experiences.
6 - Introversion can lead to a feeling of "what is wrong with me?" and subsequently lead to self-medication.
7 - Introversion often drops the affected out of natural competition with fellow human beings.
...and many more
You can see how a few of these examples can lead to other examples. For example - if I had had some confidence, I would probably had a lot more art that I was willing to show to more people, and maybe someone would have had a connection to a gallery. Weak example, I'm sure, but you could apply it to almost anything. More confidence, and maybe I would have been able to talk to Sheryl or Heather without the air of "I am not worthy" suffocating us both.
The one I'm concerned with in this post is #6. Lack of confidence leading to self-medication. I am guilty of this one.
After years of being introverted and soft-spoken, I finally started wondering what the hell was wrong with me, and it lead to a lot of different things. All of them bad.
Downward Spiral
I started realizing that I couldn't get the girls I wanted! Everyone (Mom, teachers, friends) told me that I was brilliant, just to be myself, and all the other good stuff you hear people say to people who are drowning in their own disgust of self. So I did all that - being myself. Being a corny jokester, abstract thinker, artistic weirdo. Not that I'm saying that anything is wrong with all of that. It's perfectly acceptable. What I am saying is, though, is that I was a misfit and didn't want to be. I went to a few little parties here and there and talked to some girls - even got a little lucky with a few - but none of them were my idea of who I was supposed to be with (sorry, girls). Now, this post isn't about how to get more girls, or whatever - there's plenty of those kinds of books and blogs around - but I'm trying to relay that there was a lack of self-confidence in myself that I felt was not becoming to my character. Actually, when it came to girls, I established a little niche for myself, and I had a few attractive girlfriends, but it further pushed me out of the bigger picture. Looking back, though, I'm glad that's what happened, as it changed who I was. Anyway - back to the problem.
I started noticing the girls that I thought were the greatest, and who they were going out with. Most of the guys they went out with had a little money, which was something I had not. Self-confidence and money often go hand-in-hand, if you haven't noticed. A person who has self-confidence knows they're going to get some money, and a person with money usually has the confidence that they have the money (unless they're just born into it - but once they get control of that money, and actually see how that money affects them...). More digression.
Here was my first tactic to get better females into my circle. Start stealing! Yep, that's right. I stole car stereos, amps, speakers - whatever I could find. Pool sticks, CD wallets, et cetera, et cetera. I was making a little money, and I was doing it my own way. Problem was, of course, I got caught pretty quickly, and I was sent away before ever really doing anything big with it. Probably a good thing.
That does it for this post. I need a little time to get something to eat and drink. I'll continue later with Becoming More Confident - Alcohol Pt.II a little later.
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Becoming More Confident - Reasons Why You Should
Having a lack of confidence has a profound effect on your daily life, and a lot of people don't even realize that they need to build more confidence. Almost every situation in your daily activity has something to do in some way or another with your own self-confidence. It may be meeting new people. It may be starting a new hobby. It could be getting promoted at a job. It may seem like you need certain skills and you feel like you are unqualified - and that's exactly right. Your lack of confidence is directly related to your lack of skill.
Let's start with my imaginary friend that doesn't like to go out. He is a loudmouth around his closer friends, but never in public. He is quiet and introverted, and rarely makes eye-contact. I couldn't tell you why he's that way. Maybe he was shamed as a child when he tried to meet strange people. Perhaps he was in a fist fight and was humiliated and didn't know what to do. Maybe he was poor, and was laughed at about his "choice" of clothing. Who knows? But the fact is, he doesn't like to go out much, and it's probably because he lacks confidence at times where he doesn't know the outcome of the situation.
My guess about this guy is that he works a regular job that he hates, and probably doesn't like his co-workers. In fact, he barely makes it to work on time, even if he wakes up early. He rarely tries anything new, unless it's a new video game or Internet site, because he's scared of humiliation. He can make women laugh sometimes, but they are not readily attracted to him. It seems like he's just a complete loser. How could this poor guy fix himself? He needs to become more confident.
Now, this guy does make himself confident in many ways. He is a pretty good artist, and he is actually quite prolific. When others see his work, they are amazed at the amount of detail and the size of his portfolio. He would almost certainly make a living somehow from his work, whether it was at a corporation or even his own business (He could be anything - a musician, a programmer. For this scenario, I'm thinking that the thing he's good at is something you can do in private at home. We'll see why later).
Here's the problem: No one ever sees his work.
Sure, all of his friends have seen it. They wonder why he doesn't do more. I mean, it's obvious he loves doing it. They wonder why he doesn't create a huge portfolio and submit for exhibition. Hell, at least upload it somewhere for some exposure? How come what for he don't do it? Something about this situation screams lack of confidence. Lol.
And that's the problem many of us have. You have all of this potential and you are unable to act upon it because of the fear (Me and a close friend of mine have collectively labeled lack-of-confidence situations as "The Fear" - in fact, I might make a seemingly redundant post called "The Fear"). So, the fear of what? What is there to be frightened of? Normal people are wholly confused when shown this situation. The are not victims of the no-confidence zone. They have no idea where it is. They can't see the crippling effect of this anomaly, and don't realize that as the sufferer is further crippled, he could spiral toward depression and drug use.
What is the fear? It is fear of humiliation, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of success (out there, isn't it?). This person has been predisposed in someway to thing that anything he does is never good enough. He was not taught to fight for what he believed in, and to take loss as a lesson to learn. He was bred and engineered to be mediocre.
That is a little hardcore to say it like that - a little grim, if you will - but it is truth. Even now, as I write this post, I have feelings of doubt. Feelings that no one would want to read this, and if they did, I would be humiliated. The truth is - I would never know what would happen if I didn't do it, so while I type this, I overcome my feelings of a low self-esteem. If something happens, good. But I do have to be careful that I do not take nothing happening as a sign of failure. I feel like I'm crazy sometimes because of this debilitating thing.
I use the guy above as an example, but in many ways he and I are alike. Not so much anymore, but there are some things that I see in him that are very similar to the way my life came together (or fell apart, maybe).
This is a pretty straightforward explanation of what having no confidence can do to you. Stay tuned, because next time I'm going to go forward and talk about "Becoming More Confident - Alcohol." And I'll probably have to use myself as an example, because I haven't seen anyone who came out of that shit.
Let's start with my imaginary friend that doesn't like to go out. He is a loudmouth around his closer friends, but never in public. He is quiet and introverted, and rarely makes eye-contact. I couldn't tell you why he's that way. Maybe he was shamed as a child when he tried to meet strange people. Perhaps he was in a fist fight and was humiliated and didn't know what to do. Maybe he was poor, and was laughed at about his "choice" of clothing. Who knows? But the fact is, he doesn't like to go out much, and it's probably because he lacks confidence at times where he doesn't know the outcome of the situation.
My guess about this guy is that he works a regular job that he hates, and probably doesn't like his co-workers. In fact, he barely makes it to work on time, even if he wakes up early. He rarely tries anything new, unless it's a new video game or Internet site, because he's scared of humiliation. He can make women laugh sometimes, but they are not readily attracted to him. It seems like he's just a complete loser. How could this poor guy fix himself? He needs to become more confident.
Now, this guy does make himself confident in many ways. He is a pretty good artist, and he is actually quite prolific. When others see his work, they are amazed at the amount of detail and the size of his portfolio. He would almost certainly make a living somehow from his work, whether it was at a corporation or even his own business (He could be anything - a musician, a programmer. For this scenario, I'm thinking that the thing he's good at is something you can do in private at home. We'll see why later).
Here's the problem: No one ever sees his work.
Sure, all of his friends have seen it. They wonder why he doesn't do more. I mean, it's obvious he loves doing it. They wonder why he doesn't create a huge portfolio and submit for exhibition. Hell, at least upload it somewhere for some exposure? How come what for he don't do it? Something about this situation screams lack of confidence. Lol.
And that's the problem many of us have. You have all of this potential and you are unable to act upon it because of the fear (Me and a close friend of mine have collectively labeled lack-of-confidence situations as "The Fear" - in fact, I might make a seemingly redundant post called "The Fear"). So, the fear of what? What is there to be frightened of? Normal people are wholly confused when shown this situation. The are not victims of the no-confidence zone. They have no idea where it is. They can't see the crippling effect of this anomaly, and don't realize that as the sufferer is further crippled, he could spiral toward depression and drug use.
What is the fear? It is fear of humiliation, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of success (out there, isn't it?). This person has been predisposed in someway to thing that anything he does is never good enough. He was not taught to fight for what he believed in, and to take loss as a lesson to learn. He was bred and engineered to be mediocre.
That is a little hardcore to say it like that - a little grim, if you will - but it is truth. Even now, as I write this post, I have feelings of doubt. Feelings that no one would want to read this, and if they did, I would be humiliated. The truth is - I would never know what would happen if I didn't do it, so while I type this, I overcome my feelings of a low self-esteem. If something happens, good. But I do have to be careful that I do not take nothing happening as a sign of failure. I feel like I'm crazy sometimes because of this debilitating thing.
I use the guy above as an example, but in many ways he and I are alike. Not so much anymore, but there are some things that I see in him that are very similar to the way my life came together (or fell apart, maybe).
This is a pretty straightforward explanation of what having no confidence can do to you. Stay tuned, because next time I'm going to go forward and talk about "Becoming More Confident - Alcohol." And I'll probably have to use myself as an example, because I haven't seen anyone who came out of that shit.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Build More Confidence?
I started this blog with the intention of putting to words the concept of confidence, and hopefully helping people overcome their own anxieties and fears when related to the subject of self-confidence. I myself have struggled inexplicably from a lack of self-confidence throughout my life, which has unfortunately left me with many experiences that have drained my self-esteem. Most people around me would not say that I am shy or introverted, but that is only because I have developed many devices to protect myself and seem like I have confidence, and I'm sure many of you reading this have too. I know people that play off their lack of self-confidence and resort to rationalizing why they never attempted something. I know people that self-medicate because they feel that using a drug or alcohol will drain their feelings of inadequacy. That was me for a long time, and it got me into a lot of trouble. But that's not why I'm writing this.
I have begun to discover many things about confidence during my struggles. Some of these things really opened my eyes and made me aware of my previously undetected actions. Even though I was learning, however, I could never make the jump to just "doing it". It seems like my lack of aggression during times of need really held me back in life.
So, what is that? Why do we feel so bad about ourselves that we cannot get anything done? Is this natural? How could anyone benefit from a lack of self-esteem? Why do we keep ourselves indoors and tell our friends that we don't feel like going out - and sit around until 4am wishing we had have gone instead of playing Halo all night? Why do we look at our phones when someone we like calls and press the ignore button because we're sitting in a room with a few friends, or avoid calling the Department of Motor Vehicles until the last minute because we didn't want to talk to anyone?
I know, I know - you're probably thinking, "Well, calling the DMV is a pain in the ass." This is true, but if you ever watch confident people, they get on the phone at anytime and talk to anyone. Doesn't matter if they are at a loss for words or if they tell a stupid joke. They are confident in themselves that the outcome will be in their favor.
And that's what confidence is. It is generally described as being certain that a hypothetical situation or prediction is correct, or that a course of action chosen will come out successful according to the circumstances. Self-confidence is just that - confidence in the self. Believing that what you are doing or what you are about is correct. If you really believe that going to war with another country, despite heavy protest, is the right thing to do - hey, you have confidence! I suspect that someone with that high a level of confidence will still have it, even in loss. I digress.
Some of us just don't "have it". But, we can work on ourselves and become charming, successful, even arrogant people, even if we can't truly see that in ourselves. Having a lack of self-esteem and self-worth is a terrible feeling, and I hope that I can help a few people by sharing some of my experiences through this outlet.
Changing the mind is very difficult. We have experiences from childhood that jack up our emotions and perception of ourselves. All kinds of things have been introduced, from self-talk to NLP, but if you don't fully and wholeheartedly put yourself into those programs, then chances are they won't work. I've been so unconfident in myself that I've used a program for a day and then quit. It wasn't until I actually used it for a substantial amount of time did I see anything different. This goes for anything, actually. You can't memorize a speech or a song in a day. You can't learn to play ball or skateboard in a day. You have to force yourself to get out there and risk embarrassment before you start to see yourself climb. And once you actually see yourself, you begin to understand who you are, and that you are capable of putting in some hard work and reaping benefits later on down the line of your no-so-pathetic-anymore existence. We have to basically "talk ourselves out" of things. We have to look in the mirror sometimes and say, "You're awesome!" Can't overdo it, though. You might begin to think you're bigger than life (until you get beat up by Macho Man Randy Savage).
So, here's my first post, and I will be doing this more and more often - sharing some of my (crazy) experiences, and just building on to some of the base that I'm laying down here. Sit back, set your favorite Mind-Altering program down for a second, and let's talk about getting off these computers for a minute and going outside to play ball.
I have begun to discover many things about confidence during my struggles. Some of these things really opened my eyes and made me aware of my previously undetected actions. Even though I was learning, however, I could never make the jump to just "doing it". It seems like my lack of aggression during times of need really held me back in life.
So, what is that? Why do we feel so bad about ourselves that we cannot get anything done? Is this natural? How could anyone benefit from a lack of self-esteem? Why do we keep ourselves indoors and tell our friends that we don't feel like going out - and sit around until 4am wishing we had have gone instead of playing Halo all night? Why do we look at our phones when someone we like calls and press the ignore button because we're sitting in a room with a few friends, or avoid calling the Department of Motor Vehicles until the last minute because we didn't want to talk to anyone?
I know, I know - you're probably thinking, "Well, calling the DMV is a pain in the ass." This is true, but if you ever watch confident people, they get on the phone at anytime and talk to anyone. Doesn't matter if they are at a loss for words or if they tell a stupid joke. They are confident in themselves that the outcome will be in their favor.
And that's what confidence is. It is generally described as being certain that a hypothetical situation or prediction is correct, or that a course of action chosen will come out successful according to the circumstances. Self-confidence is just that - confidence in the self. Believing that what you are doing or what you are about is correct. If you really believe that going to war with another country, despite heavy protest, is the right thing to do - hey, you have confidence! I suspect that someone with that high a level of confidence will still have it, even in loss. I digress.
Some of us just don't "have it". But, we can work on ourselves and become charming, successful, even arrogant people, even if we can't truly see that in ourselves. Having a lack of self-esteem and self-worth is a terrible feeling, and I hope that I can help a few people by sharing some of my experiences through this outlet.
Changing the mind is very difficult. We have experiences from childhood that jack up our emotions and perception of ourselves. All kinds of things have been introduced, from self-talk to NLP, but if you don't fully and wholeheartedly put yourself into those programs, then chances are they won't work. I've been so unconfident in myself that I've used a program for a day and then quit. It wasn't until I actually used it for a substantial amount of time did I see anything different. This goes for anything, actually. You can't memorize a speech or a song in a day. You can't learn to play ball or skateboard in a day. You have to force yourself to get out there and risk embarrassment before you start to see yourself climb. And once you actually see yourself, you begin to understand who you are, and that you are capable of putting in some hard work and reaping benefits later on down the line of your no-so-pathetic-anymore existence. We have to basically "talk ourselves out" of things. We have to look in the mirror sometimes and say, "You're awesome!" Can't overdo it, though. You might begin to think you're bigger than life (until you get beat up by Macho Man Randy Savage).
So, here's my first post, and I will be doing this more and more often - sharing some of my (crazy) experiences, and just building on to some of the base that I'm laying down here. Sit back, set your favorite Mind-Altering program down for a second, and let's talk about getting off these computers for a minute and going outside to play ball.
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