Becoming More Confident - Alcohol

Becoming More Confident

Thre is an aspect of having a low level of self-confidence that is very dark and can become a serious problem. Most likely it will become a serious problem very rapidly. Usage of drugs and alcohol are often used when a person feels underconfident (is that a word?), and even though the reasons vary from person to person, usually they have tragic results. For the moment, I will talk about alcohol because that is what I am most familiar with, but I will cover drugs later on, because I do have a little background info on that subject, albeit not as much. It has taken many terrible experiences and realization of my own lack of confidence that I have sat and pondered this subject.

I grew up mostly a quiet, introverted artistic type. Perhaps if my levels were higher (when I say "levels" - confidence levels) I could have gone on to do something great with my skills, but my introversion and lack of social grace kept me from showing my art off and entering competitions. I wasn't badly beat up on in school, but I probably would have been, if I hadn't developed a few defense mechanisms. The biggest of those mechanisms was another artform that I practiced frequently - not being heard or seen. I had a lot of "nerdy" acquantances (many of whom I do not keep in contact with, and plenty of whom are doing much better than I), and a few close friends, but by-and-large I was unnoticed.

I can't really place my lack of self confidence to any specific event. I think it was mostly a lack of social grace and father figure, even though he was around. I never knew what to say when people "called me out" or any of those wonderful childhood experiences, so I shut myself in.

I found out waaaay later that this would have serious repercussions. Here's a note you should give to yourself: "Don't let your child be introverted." And here is a very basic, very truncated list of reasons why:

1 - Being introverted keeps your production level very low
2 - Lack of self confidence means lack of control over most situations.
3 - Lack of self confidence hinders ability to pursue a mate.
4 - Introversion means smaller social groups, lowering networking and possible avenues for success.
5 - Less social interaction means less of an ability to deal with day-to-day experiences.
6 - Introversion can lead to a feeling of "what is wrong with me?" and subsequently lead to self-medication.
7 - Introversion often drops the affected out of natural competition with fellow human beings.

...and many more

You can see how a few of these examples can lead to other examples. For example - if I had had some confidence, I would probably had a lot more art that I was willing to show to more people, and maybe someone would have had a connection to a gallery. Weak example, I'm sure, but you could apply it to almost anything. More confidence, and maybe I would have been able to talk to Sheryl or Heather without the air of "I am not worthy" suffocating us both.

The one I'm concerned with in this post is #6. Lack of confidence leading to self-medication. I am guilty of this one.

After years of being introverted and soft-spoken, I finally started wondering what the hell was wrong with me, and it lead to a lot of different things. All of them bad.

Downward Spiral

I started realizing that I couldn't get the girls I wanted! Everyone (Mom, teachers, friends) told me that I was brilliant, just to be myself, and all the other good stuff you hear people say to people who are drowning in their own disgust of self. So I did all that - being myself. Being a corny jokester, abstract thinker, artistic weirdo. Not that I'm saying that anything is wrong with all of that. It's perfectly acceptable. What I am saying is, though, is that I was a misfit and didn't want to be. I went to a few little parties here and there and talked to some girls - even got a little lucky with a few - but none of them were my idea of who I was supposed to be with (sorry, girls). Now, this post isn't about how to get more girls, or whatever - there's plenty of those kinds of books and blogs around - but I'm trying to relay that there was a lack of self-confidence in myself that I felt was not becoming to my character. Actually, when it came to girls, I established a little niche for myself, and I had a few attractive girlfriends, but it further pushed me out of the bigger picture. Looking back, though, I'm glad that's what happened, as it changed who I was. Anyway - back to the problem.

I started noticing the girls that I thought were the greatest, and who they were going out with. Most of the guys they went out with had a little money, which was something I had not. Self-confidence and money often go hand-in-hand, if you haven't noticed. A person who has self-confidence knows they're going to get some money, and a person with money usually has the confidence that they have the money (unless they're just born into it - but once they get control of that money, and actually see how that money affects them...). More digression.

Here was my first tactic to get better females into my circle. Start stealing! Yep, that's right. I stole car stereos, amps, speakers - whatever I could find. Pool sticks, CD wallets, et cetera, et cetera. I was making a little money, and I was doing it my own way. Problem was, of course, I got caught pretty quickly, and I was sent away before ever really doing anything big with it. Probably a good thing.

That does it for this post. I need a little time to get something to eat and drink. I'll continue later with Becoming More Confident - Alcohol Pt.II a little later.