Becoming More Confident - Reasons Why You Should

Having a lack of confidence has a profound effect on your daily life, and a lot of people don't even realize that they need to build more confidence. Almost every situation in your daily activity has something to do in some way or another with your own self-confidence. It may be meeting new people. It may be starting a new hobby. It could be getting promoted at a job. It may seem like you need certain skills and you feel like you are unqualified - and that's exactly right. Your lack of confidence is directly related to your lack of skill.

Let's start with my imaginary friend that doesn't like to go out. He is a loudmouth around his closer friends, but never in public. He is quiet and introverted, and rarely makes eye-contact. I couldn't tell you why he's that way. Maybe he was shamed as a child when he tried to meet strange people. Perhaps he was in a fist fight and was humiliated and didn't know what to do. Maybe he was poor, and was laughed at about his "choice" of clothing. Who knows? But the fact is, he doesn't like to go out much, and it's probably because he lacks confidence at times where he doesn't know the outcome of the situation.

My guess about this guy is that he works a regular job that he hates, and probably doesn't like his co-workers. In fact, he barely makes it to work on time, even if he wakes up early. He rarely tries anything new, unless it's a new video game or Internet site, because he's scared of humiliation. He can make women laugh sometimes, but they are not readily attracted to him. It seems like he's just a complete loser. How could this poor guy fix himself? He needs to become more confident.

Now, this guy does make himself confident in many ways. He is a pretty good artist, and he is actually quite prolific. When others see his work, they are amazed at the amount of detail and the size of his portfolio. He would almost certainly make a living somehow from his work, whether it was at a corporation or even his own business (He could be anything - a musician, a programmer. For this scenario, I'm thinking that the thing he's good at is something you can do in private at home. We'll see why later).

Here's the problem: No one ever sees his work.

Sure, all of his friends have seen it. They wonder why he doesn't do more. I mean, it's obvious he loves doing it. They wonder why he doesn't create a huge portfolio and submit for exhibition. Hell, at least upload it somewhere for some exposure? How come what for he don't do it? Something about this situation screams lack of confidence. Lol.

And that's the problem many of us have. You have all of this potential and you are unable to act upon it because of the fear (Me and a close friend of mine have collectively labeled lack-of-confidence situations as "The Fear" - in fact, I might make a seemingly redundant post called "The Fear"). So, the fear of what? What is there to be frightened of? Normal people are wholly confused when shown this situation. The are not victims of the no-confidence zone. They have no idea where it is. They can't see the crippling effect of this anomaly, and don't realize that as the sufferer is further crippled, he could spiral toward depression and drug use.

What is the fear? It is fear of humiliation, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of success (out there, isn't it?). This person has been predisposed in someway to thing that anything he does is never good enough. He was not taught to fight for what he believed in, and to take loss as a lesson to learn. He was bred and engineered to be mediocre.

That is a little hardcore to say it like that - a little grim, if you will - but it is truth. Even now, as I write this post, I have feelings of doubt. Feelings that no one would want to read this, and if they did, I would be humiliated. The truth is - I would never know what would happen if I didn't do it, so while I type this, I overcome my feelings of a low self-esteem. If something happens, good. But I do have to be careful that I do not take nothing happening as a sign of failure. I feel like I'm crazy sometimes because of this debilitating thing.

I use the guy above as an example, but in many ways he and I are alike. Not so much anymore, but there are some things that I see in him that are very similar to the way my life came together (or fell apart, maybe).

This is a pretty straightforward explanation of what having no confidence can do to you. Stay tuned, because next time I'm going to go forward and talk about "Becoming More Confident - Alcohol." And I'll probably have to use myself as an example, because I haven't seen anyone who came out of that shit.

Build More Confidence?

I started this blog with the intention of putting to words the concept of confidence, and hopefully helping people overcome their own anxieties and fears when related to the subject of self-confidence. I myself have struggled inexplicably from a lack of self-confidence throughout my life, which has unfortunately left me with many experiences that have drained my self-esteem. Most people around me would not say that I am shy or introverted, but that is only because I have developed many devices to protect myself and seem like I have confidence, and I'm sure many of you reading this have too. I know people that play off their lack of self-confidence and resort to rationalizing why they never attempted something. I know people that self-medicate because they feel that using a drug or alcohol will drain their feelings of inadequacy. That was me for a long time, and it got me into a lot of trouble. But that's not why I'm writing this.

I have begun to discover many things about confidence during my struggles. Some of these things really opened my eyes and made me aware of my previously undetected actions. Even though I was learning, however, I could never make the jump to just "doing it". It seems like my lack of aggression during times of need really held me back in life.

So, what is that? Why do we feel so bad about ourselves that we cannot get anything done? Is this natural? How could anyone benefit from a lack of self-esteem? Why do we keep ourselves indoors and tell our friends that we don't feel like going out - and sit around until 4am wishing we had have gone instead of playing Halo all night? Why do we look at our phones when someone we like calls and press the ignore button because we're sitting in a room with a few friends, or avoid calling the Department of Motor Vehicles until the last minute because we didn't want to talk to anyone?

I know, I know - you're probably thinking, "Well, calling the DMV is a pain in the ass." This is true, but if you ever watch confident people, they get on the phone at anytime and talk to anyone. Doesn't matter if they are at a loss for words or if they tell a stupid joke. They are confident in themselves that the outcome will be in their favor.

And that's what confidence is. It is generally described as being certain that a hypothetical situation or prediction is correct, or that a course of action chosen will come out successful according to the circumstances. Self-confidence is just that - confidence in the self. Believing that what you are doing or what you are about is correct. If you really believe that going to war with another country, despite heavy protest, is the right thing to do - hey, you have confidence! I suspect that someone with that high a level of confidence will still have it, even in loss. I digress.

Some of us just don't "have it". But, we can work on ourselves and become charming, successful, even arrogant people, even if we can't truly see that in ourselves. Having a lack of self-esteem and self-worth is a terrible feeling, and I hope that I can help a few people by sharing some of my experiences through this outlet.

Changing the mind is very difficult. We have experiences from childhood that jack up our emotions and perception of ourselves. All kinds of things have been introduced, from self-talk to NLP, but if you don't fully and wholeheartedly put yourself into those programs, then chances are they won't work. I've been so unconfident in myself that I've used a program for a day and then quit. It wasn't until I actually used it for a substantial amount of time did I see anything different. This goes for anything, actually. You can't memorize a speech or a song in a day. You can't learn to play ball or skateboard in a day. You have to force yourself to get out there and risk embarrassment before you start to see yourself climb. And once you actually see yourself, you begin to understand who you are, and that you are capable of putting in some hard work and reaping benefits later on down the line of your no-so-pathetic-anymore existence. We have to basically "talk ourselves out" of things. We have to look in the mirror sometimes and say, "You're awesome!" Can't overdo it, though. You might begin to think you're bigger than life (until you get beat up by Macho Man Randy Savage).

So, here's my first post, and I will be doing this more and more often - sharing some of my (crazy) experiences, and just building on to some of the base that I'm laying down here. Sit back, set your favorite Mind-Altering program down for a second, and let's talk about getting off these computers for a minute and going outside to play ball.