Having a lack of confidence has a profound effect on your daily life, and a lot of people don't even realize that they need to build more confidence. Almost every situation in your daily activity has something to do in some way or another with your own self-confidence. It may be meeting new people. It may be starting a new hobby. It could be getting promoted at a job. It may seem like you need certain skills and you feel like you are unqualified - and that's exactly right. Your lack of confidence is directly related to your lack of skill.
Let's start with my imaginary friend that doesn't like to go out. He is a loudmouth around his closer friends, but never in public. He is quiet and introverted, and rarely makes eye-contact. I couldn't tell you why he's that way. Maybe he was shamed as a child when he tried to meet strange people. Perhaps he was in a fist fight and was humiliated and didn't know what to do. Maybe he was poor, and was laughed at about his "choice" of clothing. Who knows? But the fact is, he doesn't like to go out much, and it's probably because he lacks confidence at times where he doesn't know the outcome of the situation.
My guess about this guy is that he works a regular job that he hates, and probably doesn't like his co-workers. In fact, he barely makes it to work on time, even if he wakes up early. He rarely tries anything new, unless it's a new video game or Internet site, because he's scared of humiliation. He can make women laugh sometimes, but they are not readily attracted to him. It seems like he's just a complete loser. How could this poor guy fix himself? He needs to become more confident.
Now, this guy does make himself confident in many ways. He is a pretty good artist, and he is actually quite prolific. When others see his work, they are amazed at the amount of detail and the size of his portfolio. He would almost certainly make a living somehow from his work, whether it was at a corporation or even his own business (He could be anything - a musician, a programmer. For this scenario, I'm thinking that the thing he's good at is something you can do in private at home. We'll see why later).
Here's the problem: No one ever sees his work.
Sure, all of his friends have seen it. They wonder why he doesn't do more. I mean, it's obvious he loves doing it. They wonder why he doesn't create a huge portfolio and submit for exhibition. Hell, at least upload it somewhere for some exposure? How come what for he don't do it? Something about this situation screams lack of confidence. Lol.
And that's the problem many of us have. You have all of this potential and you are unable to act upon it because of the fear (Me and a close friend of mine have collectively labeled lack-of-confidence situations as "The Fear" - in fact, I might make a seemingly redundant post called "The Fear"). So, the fear of what? What is there to be frightened of? Normal people are wholly confused when shown this situation. The are not victims of the no-confidence zone. They have no idea where it is. They can't see the crippling effect of this anomaly, and don't realize that as the sufferer is further crippled, he could spiral toward depression and drug use.
What is the fear? It is fear of humiliation, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of success (out there, isn't it?). This person has been predisposed in someway to thing that anything he does is never good enough. He was not taught to fight for what he believed in, and to take loss as a lesson to learn. He was bred and engineered to be mediocre.
That is a little hardcore to say it like that - a little grim, if you will - but it is truth. Even now, as I write this post, I have feelings of doubt. Feelings that no one would want to read this, and if they did, I would be humiliated. The truth is - I would never know what would happen if I didn't do it, so while I type this, I overcome my feelings of a low self-esteem. If something happens, good. But I do have to be careful that I do not take nothing happening as a sign of failure. I feel like I'm crazy sometimes because of this debilitating thing.
I use the guy above as an example, but in many ways he and I are alike. Not so much anymore, but there are some things that I see in him that are very similar to the way my life came together (or fell apart, maybe).
This is a pretty straightforward explanation of what having no confidence can do to you. Stay tuned, because next time I'm going to go forward and talk about "Becoming More Confident - Alcohol." And I'll probably have to use myself as an example, because I haven't seen anyone who came out of that shit.
Let's start with my imaginary friend that doesn't like to go out. He is a loudmouth around his closer friends, but never in public. He is quiet and introverted, and rarely makes eye-contact. I couldn't tell you why he's that way. Maybe he was shamed as a child when he tried to meet strange people. Perhaps he was in a fist fight and was humiliated and didn't know what to do. Maybe he was poor, and was laughed at about his "choice" of clothing. Who knows? But the fact is, he doesn't like to go out much, and it's probably because he lacks confidence at times where he doesn't know the outcome of the situation.
My guess about this guy is that he works a regular job that he hates, and probably doesn't like his co-workers. In fact, he barely makes it to work on time, even if he wakes up early. He rarely tries anything new, unless it's a new video game or Internet site, because he's scared of humiliation. He can make women laugh sometimes, but they are not readily attracted to him. It seems like he's just a complete loser. How could this poor guy fix himself? He needs to become more confident.
Now, this guy does make himself confident in many ways. He is a pretty good artist, and he is actually quite prolific. When others see his work, they are amazed at the amount of detail and the size of his portfolio. He would almost certainly make a living somehow from his work, whether it was at a corporation or even his own business (He could be anything - a musician, a programmer. For this scenario, I'm thinking that the thing he's good at is something you can do in private at home. We'll see why later).
Here's the problem: No one ever sees his work.
Sure, all of his friends have seen it. They wonder why he doesn't do more. I mean, it's obvious he loves doing it. They wonder why he doesn't create a huge portfolio and submit for exhibition. Hell, at least upload it somewhere for some exposure? How come what for he don't do it? Something about this situation screams lack of confidence. Lol.
And that's the problem many of us have. You have all of this potential and you are unable to act upon it because of the fear (Me and a close friend of mine have collectively labeled lack-of-confidence situations as "The Fear" - in fact, I might make a seemingly redundant post called "The Fear"). So, the fear of what? What is there to be frightened of? Normal people are wholly confused when shown this situation. The are not victims of the no-confidence zone. They have no idea where it is. They can't see the crippling effect of this anomaly, and don't realize that as the sufferer is further crippled, he could spiral toward depression and drug use.
What is the fear? It is fear of humiliation, fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of success (out there, isn't it?). This person has been predisposed in someway to thing that anything he does is never good enough. He was not taught to fight for what he believed in, and to take loss as a lesson to learn. He was bred and engineered to be mediocre.
That is a little hardcore to say it like that - a little grim, if you will - but it is truth. Even now, as I write this post, I have feelings of doubt. Feelings that no one would want to read this, and if they did, I would be humiliated. The truth is - I would never know what would happen if I didn't do it, so while I type this, I overcome my feelings of a low self-esteem. If something happens, good. But I do have to be careful that I do not take nothing happening as a sign of failure. I feel like I'm crazy sometimes because of this debilitating thing.
I use the guy above as an example, but in many ways he and I are alike. Not so much anymore, but there are some things that I see in him that are very similar to the way my life came together (or fell apart, maybe).
This is a pretty straightforward explanation of what having no confidence can do to you. Stay tuned, because next time I'm going to go forward and talk about "Becoming More Confident - Alcohol." And I'll probably have to use myself as an example, because I haven't seen anyone who came out of that shit.
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